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Where life's thoughts can be expressed and time can be pleasantly wasted.
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Let me laugh hysterically as I sit in my apartment, eating lunch (tasty pasta with sundried tomatoes, garlic and basil) watching my cat as he sits in the window looking out at the people below. I hear the cars going by on the street- you can hear the leftover slush beneath their tires. I have my window open, so I have goosebumps from the cold air.
And I wonder.... what the fuck am I doing. I am almost through all the red tape to leave NTS. Still have to drop by the administration office and get my tuition cheque back. But as far as everyone else is concerned, I am gone. One of my former classmates made one final, faithful attempt to convince me to stay last night. We went out for beers. I told him why I was leaving. He told me why I should stay. I told him more reasons I was leaving. He agreed with some of those reasons. He wished me luck at the end of the night and said "I hope you'll stay". I said "we'll see". I stopped by my favourite corner store for milk. They cashier seemed to remember me, even though it's been about a month since I was last their. I always buy 3 1litre jugs of 1%milk.... and I never take a bag. It's just around the corner from my apartment... why bother with a bag. I sometimes feel silly walking around the corner with 3 jugs of milk. I like milk.
Came home and watched the news broadcast recap the highlights of the election debate. I've already voted, so there's no sense of them trying to sway me.
I might have cried. But I don't have the energy to cry any more. I've cried too much in my life. I shed four tears this morning when my director called and asked if I made my decison. He sounded saddened that I wasn't coming back. I hung up the phone and shed those four tears. I counted.
We all make decisions. It doesn't mean everyone has to understand why we make those decisions. I know a lot of people won't understand my decision to leave NTS. Especially my father. But they don't have to understand. I understand, and that's all that matters.
Where do I go from here? Anywhere.... perhaps that's the beauty.
I got a fantastic job offer for six weeks in the summer. A dream come true. Of course the last time a dream came true for me it turned out to be a nightmere....
posted by">Hayley @
9:02 AM
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Tuesday, January 10, 2006  |
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