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This is the first night in a long time that I want to curl up in a corner and cry. I can just feel this awful depression erupting inside me. I know it will be short lived, but still... it doesn't help me any right now.
Perhaps it's just because I've been trying to fucking hard to be in a good mood lately, that when that fails I just end up feeling worse that I would if I hadn't tried to feel good.
I go to work yesterday, chipper and happy. My co-workers seemed moody and depressive. So I in turn became moody and depressive. Then, I got my schedule with 12hrs.... but I delt with that. All is well. Then today I try the same thing. And I discover that 4 of my 12 hours are being taken away from me. So I am working 8hrs, one shift next week. It's so frustrating for me. I told my assistant manager today that I would probably be bringing in my notice this week. She asked me to talk to my manager first. We'll see. I don't want to leave, but I think I'm going to have to. They're forcing me to.
I've got an essay to write. This wasn't bothering me till now. Now I'm just tired and cranky and don't want to do it.
I havn't eaten a decent meal in I don't know when. And it's haveing an affect on me... I'm down another half pound below what I've been in the past two weeks! Normally women would be happy to be losing weight... me on the other hand. I'm not... I would make myself something but the fucking kitchen is always messy. So to make something I would have to do dishes. And I don't want to. So I've been living off of sugar crisp cereal, yoghurt and orange juice. Occasionally I'll throw in a fried egg for some protein.
And I feel myself getting sick. My throat is scratchy.
*Sigh*.
posted by">Hayley @
4:08 PM
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Saturday, February 19, 2005  |
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