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Where life's thoughts can be expressed and time can be pleasantly wasted.
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Jebus... what a day! Worked on an essay this morning... than was running late and had to speed to get to my appointment at 10:30... then hung around Java Moose for over an hour writing emails, drinking coffee, and teasing Dave. Then left there and stopped by Stephanie's for a couple hours... Then went back uptown at four to wait for my mother to get off work... Teased Dave some more... Mom was about forty minutes late. Therefore, I didn't get to go home, but just grabbed some pasta and got mom to drop me off at Chris's apartment since him and Steph invited me for supper. Ate wonderful food... then played some game... then came home. Called up Chris (my Chris, not Stephanie's Chris- confusing, I know). He can't come to "Death of a Salesman" with me (because he's not sure if he's doing something with his girlfriend or not.... blah blah blah... I probably should just leave him be anyway- but that's another story I won't get into right now). So I called up Rosalie- and she can come! Yippie! So we're going to go out to Suwanna's before the play. I'm really excited because I haven't seen Rosalie for quite a while now and I miss her!!!
Okay... I admit I feel jealous, and it's over a guy that I'm not involved with and have never been involved with. I guess he's just the closest guy friend I've ever had, and knew me for who I really am. He's seen me cry, he's seen me overly happy and giddy, he's seen me bitchy, he's seen me... okay he hasn't seen me drunk, but he's not missing much. We've had serious heart to heart conversations, we have funny little jokes, I've seriously valued his opinion and respected him more than most other people (esp people my own age). The thing is, as long as I've know him he hasn't had a girlfriend. But then about a month ago he started going out with this girl. Okay, screw this- I can't quite explain why this bugs me, (I just started typing about three different sentences and nothing seemed right). It just does. Maybe it's because the girl dumped one boyfriend and like a week later was going out with my friend and that bugs me. Or maybe it's that she had to choose between her ex and my friend because she liked them both and wasn't sure who she wanted to go with in the beginning... I dunno. It doesn't really make sense, it's just the painful little prick in my gut (or maybe that's my heart, I don't know). I just feel like suddenly our friendship has changed... and considering he was probably one of my best friends in the respect that he truly knows who I am, I feel like I've lost someone special. Fuck. I hate this emotion... and I know that there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm being stupid... this is one of those things that I hate myself for.
posted by">Hayley @
6:29 PM
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Thursday, March 20, 2003  |
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