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Where life's thoughts can be expressed and time can be pleasantly wasted.
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I went up to Hartland yesterday... that's my hometown- I lived there until just two years ago. It was fun I suppose. I visited my gram, and pigged out on her wonderful homebaked goods.... cookies (four kinds!) and cupcakes and apple crumble and fresh out of the oven rolls... mmm.... there's really something special about visiting Gram. I also got my hair cut (my cousin is a hairstylist), and drove through Hartland and Woodstock... things have changed a bit since I as last there. I also visited another cousin, who has changed a lot since I last saw her. She gave me a small rock (I can't remember what kind of stone it is...) that is supposed to have the power to make things seem more bearable, and to help with stress and such. It's cool.... I figure that since not much else is making my life much better, than maybe a small green rock will.
Then today I had a really strange conversation with a friend of mine. Or actually... an ex-boyfriend of sorts of mine. I say "an ex-boyfriend of sorts" because when we started going out last spring things were really messed up, and I was never actually clear if we were going out or not... the lines of communication weren't all that open. Either way, we haven't really seen too much of each other since the situation last spring. Then today he sits down beside me in the Library (I was there for my spare block, and he was there with his class working on an assignment.) So he sits down and we started chatting... I was asking him about some stuff, then he mentioned some stuff thats been happening... including the fact that his girlfriend dumped him about a week and a half ago. He seemed pretty hurt by it, and talked to me about their relationship. He seemed really devoted to her... *sigh* the thing is, that deep down I still have feelings for this guy. He is a really smart guy, and when we were getting to know one another last spring, I saw a person who intrigues me and interests me. And here I am sitting, listening to him talk about being dumped by his girlfriend. He also mentioned some of the things about their relationship... trying to justify why it ended I suppose. Oddly enough, something about this conversation rekindled my old crush on him. It was like lighting a match while filling your car up with gas.... explosion! I still regret the situation we created last spring- although I shouldn't because it was a learning experience... I just didn't know what I wanted then and what I was supposed to do in a relationship... therefore I didn't do anything, and things died between us. Only now I have at least a little bit of a better idea what I want... I want what he described... someone to walk with me to class, hold my hand, talks to me, hang out with me, and to go out with, or stay in with me (whatever the case may be) on weekends, it's corny... but oh well... I didn't know that last spring. I know that now. I guess some people don't know what they have when they have it. Oh.. and then after that another one of our friends sits down, and the conversation instantly turns to one focused on smoking up and drinking (the typical suject matter of the guy who joined us...). It was amusing though, I do admit. Gave me some good laughs, and he promised to let me in on when the next party comes along...
posted by">Hayley @
3:51 PM
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Friday, October 04, 2002  |
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