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An almost peaceful night... I retired to bed at nine-thirty last night, with tears in my eyes, needing to escape the tension and pain around me. I took a tylenol to ease the pain of my lower back, when a muscel spasm was acting up. After tossing and turning for about half an hour, I feel into a dead sleep, probably contributed to by the codine kicking in. Then some time later I am brought completely awake- eyes wide, my heart at first stopped, then started beating twice the normal speed, my breathing became very shallow and quiet. I heard shouting. I heard anger. I sensed danger. It was my brother outside talking on the phone- and the word I most distinctivly heard was "whore". I expected to hear the phone smash against my window, or to hear glass breaking from a violent fist being smashed into it somewhere. I expected to hear the door slam and an angry man come in ready for distruction. I expected the worse- what I have learned to expect from my brother. I quickly went upstairs and told my sleeping mom "I think Justin's talking to Julia (his girlfriend) on the phone, because I heard him yelling and I heard the word "whore"." She got up, and got my father up. My father went outside. Thank god, Justin was only talking to Jordan, a friend of his, on the phone. However it was evident that he had had at least three or four beer. Luckily my father convinced Justin to go to bed. With this came peace... at least until the next time.
I am frustrated right now because I felt emotions last night I haven't experienced in months. Emotions of anger, of saddness, of fear. These are not emotions I can control, they just engulf my entire body and mind, and make me hurt. I hurt to see my parents in pain. They have incredible love for their children and they are always fighting to make things better for their children, and they are never thanked for it and are instead put through hell. It's not fair and I am angry and I am angry at myself and my brother because of this unjust situation.
posted by">Hayley @
3:42 AM
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Friday, August 09, 2002  |
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